“Expecting a baby?
“I didn’t plan on spending my career looking between ladies’ legs. But for the last 35 years I’ve hatched over 3,000 babies – mostly in the hospitals, but some on the side of the road and in carparks.
“Hatch and Dispatch is a compilation of the advice I give to expecting mums almost every day, whether it be their first of fifth babies. I use the stories from my career to show you that every woman has the same concerns, the same questions, and makes essentially the same noise when pushing a baby out.
“Read about the hallucinations some women experience when using nitrous, what happens to tattoos and piercings during pregnancy (clue: dolphins become whales, Bambi becomes a moose), and about the partner who wanted to attend ante-natal classes even though his baby was already born. Bless his cotton socks – he wanted to leave his wife and baby at home and come to class to learn about nappy changing and settling (on the job training was not for him).
“I am a pragmatic woman – the advice in this book is sensible. It is honest. My job is interesting and fun so there are some great stories for you to read. I don’t try to scare or sway you, just show you that pregnancy is a part of many womens’ lives and need not be the guilt-ridden ride it has become.
You will read about:
- Common pregnancy complaints
- The inevitable guilt – thanks to the internet, pregnancy now comes with 20% extra free guilt!
- Be prepared – your ante natal card, injections, allergies, knowing your and your partner’s limitations
- Classes and birth plans
- Labour and pain relief
- Support people
- Dos and don’ts for partners
- What the midwives will teach you once baby is born
- A preview of history’s worst pregnancy and parenting advice
“I hope you enjoy the book, have a laugh, learn something, and relax about what lies ahead – even if only a little. You were designed to bake this baby.